Thanks to Denise and Lois for my head wrap today! |
Here’s the quick note for those who don’t read all
the way through. I made some changes yesterday and I feel better this morning
than I have in 4 weeks. Thanks for the prayers and thoughts. All good things
come from God and he is sending loads of goodness my way.
I would like to clarify that you who hit "like"
and make "comments" to me from this blog post or facebook, you are serving
me more powerfully than you probably imagine. Thank you for your time. Don't be
tempted to say, "Oh it's been a week. What can I add? My life right now is
pretty isolating and all I have to do is open my laptop, remind myself that
hundreds of people know my predicament and care. Then, I’m fine again. Thank
you so much for caring. Thank you for showing your unity with me in this cross.
I’m going to comment on one more thing before my
medical update. I want to give thanks for my middle daughter, Bethanne. She is
our humorist. While working on adjusting to my bald head this week she said, “Bald
is the new blonde. I’m pretty sure.” Bethanne lives in Colorado Springs. She’s
not a phone gabber or a high tech person. But the gift of humor she was given
leaps the miles in an instant and warms my heart. Geography is nothing when you
are good at sharing yourself. I see all the young women in the cancer center
who are going through treatment. Lord, let them live to know their children as
adults on this earth. What a great treasure.
So, my second round of chemo was much better than
my first and my third hasn’t effected me yet (which is later than last time). I
didn’t go to the hospital. No skin peeling, no fever. I thought I did great
because I “handled” the other side effects by putting up with them. However,
when we met with oncologist she said I was at risk for taking another break
from chemo or decreasing the dose again because of my side effects. Wow!
Apparently, I need to be aggressive and try to rid myself as much as possible
of any side effects. Holy endurance wasn’t going to get the award. Now, that
sounds silly, who wouldn’t be trying to get things working better. But here’s a
few secrets about myself:
- I delivered my first two children without any pain medication because I wanted to experience what it was really like in its essence.
- When I had three toddlers around me while making dinner in the kitchen one day a few years later, Walt came home to find me hanging over the counter massaging my temples. Walt: “What’s wrong?” Me: “I have such a headache!” Walt: “What did you take for it?” Me: “Hmm”. Never thought of it.
- Even when my hair starting graying I didn’t use any color because I didn’t want to block the natural course of history.
So that’s my nature and in this case of combating
cancer treatment it needs to change. Your prayer is needed here (hit “like”). I
will pull up the list. I will see your names. I will recognize that Christ is
in you. Yes, Christ in you bringing with him the hope of all the glorious
things to come!” (Col. 1:25-27) Do you understand? Do you understand the power
in unity? In my weakness I will be
made strong in Christ! (2 Cor 12:10) I was never meant to do this alone! Even
Jesus didn’t live his passion alone! I need you! I need Christ who is in you! You
are my hope of glory because Christ is in you and he lives and heals! Walt has
promised to be my coach. If you’ve had him as your 7th grade
basketball coach, you’ll probably say an extra prayer for me now! Thank you! I
want to do what I can to cooperate with my medical team!
Our community, the People of Praise, has a division
of missionaries. A few years back, in the lowliest of nursing homes, one of our
missionaries met an old woman who taught us a new verse to an old Christian
hymn. It came to me the day I found out I had cancer and it soothes me now as
I’m a little further along in the journey. Sing this to Amazing Grace:
Must
Jesus bear his cross alone,
While all the rest go free?
No, there’s a cross for everyone
And there’s a cross for me!
On a funnier note, as I tried to follow the
oncologist’s encouragement, I took an Ativan last night and had to be awoken twice
because I was snoring during a movie that I chose but never got to see more
than 20 minutes of! I did, however, sleep for the first time through the night
since November 26th and I do feel stronger today for that. So I’m initiating and
learning but will adjust that dose tonight!
Before I sign off I want to honor two more people.
My Mom carries my burden in a way only a mom can. I know what it’s like to be a
mom of a child with an illness. I wish I could take her worries away, but all I
can do is pray and envision her wrapped up in the arms of our heavenly Father.
His are big arms. I hope she feels them.
And thanks to Walt. He’s doing 90% of the cooking,
75% of the cleaning, and 100% of the errands (I can’t drive due to the side
effects on my vision). He shows no sign of burnout. He has been, as always, the
perfect companion for me.
I gotta run now and start focusing on the plan. You
know, I have pills, extra meals, Yoga, walking, and resting to plan and
execute! This isn’t all about laying around enduring you know! To God be the Glory!
Good news about you tolerating the chemo! You should be getting a little package from me soon...Love you lots!
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful entry. Thanks. One of those scripture verses I have used for natural labor. Christ in you is our hope for glory. I also know what it is like to get blog and facebook messages when you are sick and suffering. It is encouragement. And good for us to carry eachothers burdens. We continue to pray.
ReplyDeletePam, The Glory of God shines brightly in this post...in you and in his people loving and serving and interceding for you. I can relate to the pushing through pain etc. without assistance from meds etc. You sound like me...no meds for labor/delivery, waiting too long to take meds for other maladies. Yes indeed the voice of reason through our loving hubbies, sisters and medical providers calls us on to obedience and prudence doesn't it!? And yes the isolation---I can definitely relate to this and so all the more pray specifically for this for you. All four pregnancies had me flat on my back with 5+ months of extreme nausea/hyperemesis. A valiant hubby and loving sisters sustained me/us in those long dark days. In closing: Father thank you for your incredible love, comfort and kindness and your sweet, sweet presence.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you dear sister,
Claudia
Psalm 94:17-19
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ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey, your strength, and your faith. Keeping you and all those close to you in my prayers. And bald is absolutely beautiful :-)
ReplyDeleteLike! Prayers for you and Walt. I can so identify with the "tough it out" mentality.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and praying for you as Mike and I are in Shreveport for a wedding. As I read your blog I was struck by the thought that God is detaching you even from your strong points (fortitude) and you are cooperating! Toughing it out in a new way!
ReplyDeleteI prayed for you this morning with my prayer partner.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading (all your entries)--a great witness to myself and grateful for your example of faith and vulnerability. I can see where Bethanne gets at least some ( maybe all) of her humor from!
ReplyDeleteThx for sharing your insights. God uses all your words to inspire me to be more faithful to Christ and stronger in the small trials of day life. We pray daily for you. It is good to know in what ways to pray.
ReplyDeleteI didn't want to do a lot of drugs either when I was on chemo, but I'll never forget what my oncologist told me: "If there was ever a time for drugs, this is it." I slept so well on Ativan I was less tired than usual. To paraphrase Mary, "Do whatever they tell you." We'll keep those prayers coming, Pam!
ReplyDeleteYour lovely hymn is not a new verse to Amazing Grace (written by John Newton) although it is sometimes sung to the same tune. It's the first verse of its own hymn, which can be found at this link: http://cyberhymnal.org/htm/m/u/mustjesu.htm.
ReplyDelete(I'm the mom of your Katie's friend Tirienne Leonard. God has funny links to get people on my prayer list... ;-D )
Like a million times. Thoughts, prayers, support and Big Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteChrist in me, and me in me, :) says I love you! You are doing so great and are amazing and full of grace!
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my prayers, Pam.
ReplyDeleteYou go girl! Thanks for all your inspiration!
ReplyDeleteI am not alone! That was my mantra when Dan was sick. Whenever I felt alone, I would think, "Who can I call?" And a person would come to mind. God bless you and strengthen you every minute!
ReplyDeleteGrateful for the extraordinary Pam Seale, shining the light of Christ through it all! Loving the thought of Coach Walt tendering many mercies on you! Praying...Carrie Walker
ReplyDeletePam, I am so moved by how you take on the cross with amazing courage and faith. You are right. You are not in this alone! Praise God for all the prayers and support you are receiving. Lord, heal Pam!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your mom and Walt and all who care for you. God Bless you and be with you each second.
ReplyDelete